Keita and the Golden Pants: A Love Story
When i see him like this...so vulnerable...filled with the passion of God but in the "machine" (his word for his body) of a man. i try to tell him,as he tries to teach me,what it is i feel and experience...how must i now negotiate the fragile yet rocky terrain of my physical body that longs for him while in my spirit i have him. So we chat and reason and pray dance or sing or nothing at all...until on those sweet and luscious moments when he gives me something to "know" and a wonderful gift that is. One of the first things that i had from him was about tantric energy...its use,its possibilities and this was something for which i had been painfully equipped by life and now God began to reveal the "reason why".
Now ya'll that know me know that over the years i have been really conflicted about different reactions to those Dang Gold A** Pants. Many comments on the "gold pants" pointed out that MJ "knew what he was doing." Of that i was sure...what i wasn't so sure of was did i know what he was doing?
i remembered something that i wrote in '09 about the impracticality of desiring him with my body.
But there were those damn gold pants...he speaks... "harness your tantric energy."
Plain as day...yes. there are no coincidences in the world of Beloved and though i say that often i have, on occasion, to remind myself of the truth of those words.
Very recently circumstances converged to create that perfect mixture of pathos and splendor. Finding myself on some kind of love fire, i resisted something that i couldn't even name. i realize that what i fled was the fear of lust. To lust for him oh how i cried lust dishonors him. Perhaps it is that i feel from him in these reflections the mirror of the many symbols in African (and other) art that reflects this creative force... the keeper of the seed of life.
Yet this was not all...lust had been my nemesis for decades. It was the force that had long ago disturbed the virgin soil of the young girl i was then and leaving me unable to remember what a child should be.
So how did i face this gold pants thang that refused to stay silent. i wouldn't look at the reflections of course, LOL. Hah!
One thing that i did "know" was that those reflections there for more than getting me steamy and creamy...that was from where,by Grace,Beloved had rescued and restored me . Where in his light i began to see "me". Me so clearly that in his light i ceased to be and in his love and by His Love i am given excursions into spaces that are scented with the sweetness of tomorrow's promise as i continue to walk with Beloved...Thank You Lord.
So recently, on a night "where the seen and the unseen caress" the gold pants and i came into alignment and their secret in my life was revealed.
"harness your tantric energy"
And i answered "yes i see and now i know"
The following words are writings were recorded in stages over a period of about 2 years. They are parts of an evolution of this cosmic love affair...as a balance is struck between a body in tact and a spirit released.
"So yes i see and now i know"
The power from you body burning and singeing my edges
And you weep in its expression pushing boldly seething with tantric power that dissolves this clay and dust form that has been confined to base gratification and now melts into spiritual completion.
Vaporized by the cyclone of your movements arousal of ancient memories awakening of slumbering secrets
Lord of Love and all creation calls me closer to His center as i succumb in this dance with you
By God's leave you travel to untouched spaces bringing healing to inner places
Burning passion like crucifixion
Slaying one by one my false conceptions.
i adore you...
you burn me and send me smoldering to ashes and the stir me reviving a spark of life in me
your love recreates me and i am fire and then turned into pure light and become the breath of God
you touch me and the universe is in my hand
you hold me ... you kiss me ...and i see the earth from a star
i sit beneath the tree of life and receive a glimpse of Jannah
Oh love just let me bathe in the wonder of you ... for every word that pours from your mouth enchants me
The mere thought of you elicits uncontrollable Praise to God for the splendor of His creation and the crushing love that you bring to me
In my still willingness you come
In my tearful repentance you come
In the intermittent seconds where the strength of this love steals my breath you come and take possession of God's promise of love as i pour myself into your being with abandon
the world falls away
and we are lovers reclining in the heart of God
i exist for you...