Michael Jackson...when did this name become a mantra for me? When did his inspiration come to inform my life in a way that i had never, nor would have ever expected? What the heck happened to me on June 25, 2009?
Riding along i was lost in my thoughts about the job, family, hell i don't know what...then clicking on the radio the announcer is mid story "Jackson is said to be in a coma after suffering a possible heart attack." Aw poor Michael i thought your Daddy is sick...then "Confirming our top story singer Michael Jackson is at UCLA Medical Center in a coma..." what the heck...heart jumps...wait he is in a coma that's cool he'll be ok...get out of the car, move, make yourself move.
Getting out of the car i walk into my son's house the TV is on 106 and Park, "singer Michael Jackson the King of Pop has died" i look at everyone we are all looking around at each other as if trying to receive some kind of sign that what we just heard was real. Aw hell naw i say they just said that he was in a coma. But they keep saying it over and over and over. i feel as if i am emerging from the bottom of a pool of water my head breaks the surface and now i can hear each person talking. Damn Michael is dead, did they just say that Michael Jackson has died. i start talking about the concerts that i went to to see him. His song Got to Be There was playing on my way to the hospital to have India. Yes, i saw him in concert three times.
i don't remember leaving the house. i don't remember the ride home...i don't remember going into the house. i'm alone now sitting on the bed looking at the leaves of the tree outside my window. Have i cried yet? i don't remember but there in the pattern of leaves he is there.
i close my eyes and slowly open them again...he's still there and i knew that my life had changed.
The next weeks were spent watching the television and on line. Everything Michael. One day i picked up a pencil to write down something to look up and wrote something totally different. that was the first poem that i received.
Is this reality less valid than any other
i sit reflecting, abandoning myself to space
Your image emerges on the stitching of my favorite quilt
In the shadows reflected on my tie dye dress
i can't even use the words of death in a phrase that contains your name
Because there you materialize in the random array of leaves outside my window
i see it and i cannot pretend that it is not so
It is my valid reality, so with me you still live
and i like it that way because
i carry you with me