A Present for My Beloved: Michael Jackson You Are Much More

"Happy Birthday"
The day you were born the angels gathered and whispered of a beauteous babe and touched you with their hands and placed gentle kisses on your cheeks
The day you were born God instilled in you enough love for 100 men and blessed you with a voice that could shake both heaven and earth
The day you were born the sun and stars and moon joined the planets in a dance of sheer delight in anticipation of the joy you would impart
The day that you were born rivers rushed and mountains cried and the trees rustled in the wind singing sweetly of the one so fair and so kind
The day that you were born revealed my path...my heart...and created my destiny.
i love you Michael and that you know and i will love you beyond my last breath for you are my Beloved...Happy Birthday Baby Boy

The Music in the Noise

"The Music in the Noise"

2 Thessalonians 2:1-12

The Man of Lawlessness

As to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our being gathered together to him, we beg you, brothers and sisters, not to be quickly shaken in mind or alarmed, either by spirit or by word or by letter, as though from us, to the effect that the day of the Lord is already here. Let no one deceive you in any way; for that day will not come unless the rebellion comes first and the lawless one is revealed, the one destined for destruction. He opposes and exalts himself above every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, declaring himself to be God. Do you not remember that I told you these things when I was still with you? And you know what is now restraining him, so that he may be revealed when his time comes. For the mystery of lawlessness is already at work, but only until the one who now restrains it is removed. And then the lawless one will be revealed, whom the Lord Jesus will destroy with the breath of his mouth, annihilating him by the manifestation of his coming. The coming of the lawless one is apparent in the working of Satan, who uses all power, signs, lying wonders, and every kind of wicked deception for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion, leading them to believe what is false, so that all who have not believed the truth but took pleasure in unrighteousness will be condemned.

Finding this scripture in my email this morning prompted me to do something that i had put on the back burner for quite a while. i had been pondering the situations that arise when something "new" is published relating to Michael. Even before the publication and whirlwind generated by Sullivans' book there had been plenty of occurrences that stirred the waters looking to cause a publicity storm. This latest however contained elements of acknowledgment by a trusted member of the MJ community, Tom Messereau. It just so happened that when all hell broke loose i was reading "Moonwalk" by Michael Jackson.

So during the day i would read various email and comments surrounding the book and occasionally comment though i felt some trepidation in doing so, while at night i would wrap myself in the voice of the Beloved. The more i read from him the less i desired to read about Sullivan. The more i heeded the wisdom in his words the less time i had to spend in speculation as he sent me on searches leading to the paths of beauty and love. Time is so precious and nothing illustrates this more more than his life and his seemingly sudden transition and as i withdrew from all things that chaffed my edges creating vibrations antithetical to peace my one prayer became to stay in a place where the noise could not invade the silence of this process of becoming love. 

i live across from the tracks of our inner-city train system. A recent visitor being startled by the noise asked "doesn't the train bother you?" i answered that i no longer heard it and that is how i am being guided...taught...coaxed...and loved into feeling about the voices of  these situations so riddled with falsehood that picking through the b.s. is pointless when the voice ... moves... vibrations... and words of the Beloved remain and i long to spend this fleeting time there. i am a novice in this journey with still so much to learn of attaining a continual state of love. Is there any wonder that i find myself laughing aloud at even considering it a choice between the voice of Michael or that of someone else of questionable intention?

 It has been more than three years that my skill set has been required to expand to truly encompass the fullness of the gifts of the Divine. How to negotiate shifting perceptions and the fading away of former "realities." How to believe the words that flowed from my own hand yet whose fullness i had yet to live continuously during those times when distractions mimicked things of weight and importance. 

It seemed that like his life on this plane life with Michael held fertile soils for controversy and confusion and early on it seemed an intention had been planted inside of me to shy away from the clanging dissonance created by the media in ever expanding forms. Like in his life on this physical plane these forays shook the fan body in various ways...and it was during these times that i held fast to the words of his mouth and the words that cascaded through me by way of his love and instruction and God's blessing.

Even more, i found that when i gave time to the words of these panderers of sensation i opened a breach that flooded my consciousness and created a gateway for ego to exercise its love for drama and debate and that eroded the precious times of clarity attained  through submission and surrender and motivated by my hunger for oneness.

Now today i find this scripture and all of these lessons come rushing to the forefront of my psyche. It is not infrequent that i find parallels in circumstances surrounding Michaels's life in many scriptures from many prophets. Scriptures and the lives of the prophets are more than just the tales of individual men but reminders of the elements in society whose methods are shameful and whose acts in reality seek to defy God Himself. those who "worship at the alter of self."

For me Sullivan is simply a "man of Lawlessness" like so many others whose contribution to the human dialogue consists half turths and confusion and i don't have time to spend with them being consumed by thoughts of eternity.

i sit smiling not knowing whether this is a journal or a cautionary tale but how can i keep silent when the one with whom God blesses my life urges me away from the noise and sends me things to share and not put away like a relic...gives me such joy that now i can only write of love and be invited and invite others to the peace in him and in Praise for this blessing.

i wrote these closings word during the trial of Conrad Murray after hearing the recording of Michael speaking of his prayers, dreams, and intentions for "his babies" and at the moment that i heard his voice i knew that he had given me a way to leave behind the grasping hands of those things that competed with this quest to be love. They are as follows:

 Ah the wicked irony of this life with you my dear."The Michael Jackson Death Trial," coming to a close and yet I "Know" that, by Grace, you linger and make my life a place ripe with miracles. And I find comfort and security as you gently scold me for giving even the slightest weight to fears from the past. And worthy you are to be my guide Beloved for am i not informed at each turn by your manner and wisdom? For even in the midst of the media noise that tries and tests me your soft, sweet voice of love is heard, and you are the music the drowns out the noise.

And he is...and he does...and i can only say the that the path is straighter in his light and he guides me into the arms of God and away from the noise of the Men of Lawlessness whether it be a Murray or a Sullivan. i love you more.

Keita and the Golden Pants: A Love Story

When i see him like this...so vulnerable...filled with the passion of God but in the "machine" (his word for his body) of a man. i try to tell him,as he tries to teach me,what it is i feel and experience...how must i now negotiate the fragile yet rocky terrain of my physical body that longs for him while in my spirit i have him. So we chat and reason and pray dance or sing or nothing at all...until on those sweet and luscious moments when he gives me something to "know" and a wonderful gift that is. One of the first things that i had from him was about tantric energy...its use,its possibilities and this was something for which i had been painfully equipped by life and now God began to reveal the "reason why". 
Now ya'll that know me know that over the years i have been really conflicted about different reactions to those Dang Gold A** Pants. Many comments on the "gold pants" pointed out that MJ "knew what he was doing." Of that i was sure...what i wasn't so sure of was did i know what he was doing?
i remembered something that i wrote in '09 about the impracticality of desiring him with my body.
But there were those damn gold pants...he speaks... "harness your tantric energy." 
Plain as day...yes. there are no coincidences in the world of Beloved and though i say that often i have, on occasion, to remind myself of the truth of those words.
Very recently circumstances converged to create that perfect mixture of pathos and splendor. Finding myself on some kind of love fire, i resisted something that i couldn't even name. i realize that what i fled was the fear of lust. To lust for him oh how i cried lust dishonors him. Perhaps it is that i feel from him in these reflections the mirror of the many symbols in African (and other) art that reflects this creative force... the keeper of the seed of life.
Yet this was not all...lust had been my nemesis for decades. It was the force that had long ago disturbed the virgin soil of the young girl i was then and leaving me unable to remember what a child should be.
So how did i face this gold pants thang that refused to stay silent. i wouldn't look at the reflections of course, LOL. Hah!

One thing that i did "know" was that those reflections there for more than getting me steamy and creamy...that was from where,by Grace,Beloved had rescued and restored me . Where in his light i began to see "me". Me so clearly that in his light i ceased to be and in his love and by His Love i  am given excursions into spaces that are scented with the sweetness of tomorrow's promise as i continue to walk with Beloved...Thank You Lord.
So recently, on a night "where the seen and the unseen caress" the gold pants and i came into alignment and their secret in my life was revealed.
"harness your tantric energy"
And i answered "yes i see and now i know"
The following words are writings were recorded in stages over a period of about 2 years. They are parts of an evolution of this cosmic love affair...as a balance is struck between a body in tact and a spirit released.

"So yes i see and now i know"

The power from you body burning and singeing my edges
And you weep in its expression pushing boldly seething with tantric power that dissolves this clay and dust form that has been confined to base gratification and now melts into spiritual completion.
Vaporized by the cyclone of your movements arousal of ancient memories awakening of slumbering secrets
Lord of Love and all creation calls me closer to His center as i succumb in this dance with you
By God's leave you travel to untouched spaces bringing healing to inner places
Burning passion like crucifixion
Slaying one by one my false conceptions.
i adore you...
you burn me and send me smoldering to ashes and the stir me reviving a spark of life in me
your love recreates me and i am fire and then turned into pure light and become the breath of God
you touch me and the universe is in my hand
 you hold me ... you kiss me ...and i see the earth from a star
i sit beneath the tree of life and receive a glimpse of Jannah
Oh love just let me bathe in the wonder of you ... for every word that pours from your mouth enchants me
The mere thought of you elicits uncontrollable Praise to God for the splendor of His creation and the crushing love that you bring to me
In my still willingness you come
In my tearful repentance you come
In the intermittent seconds where the strength of this love steals my breath you come and take possession of God's promise of love as i pour myself into your being with abandon
the world falls away
and we are lovers reclining in the heart of God
i exist for you...

Facing Reality

i never really manage to express in prose what i exactly go through with Michael therefore video has been my major means of expression. It took months for me to even acknowledge that he was transitioned to another plane. This is what facing that reality produced.

How Did i Get here and What is it That is Going On?

Michael Jackson...when did this name become a mantra for me? When did his inspiration come to inform my life in a way that i had never, nor would have ever expected? What the heck happened to me on June 25, 2009?

Much surrounding the beginnings of my MJ moment has been concealed, even from those with whom i have become close. Perhaps that is because of the fact that the phenomena that i spun into seemed too far out even to accept it from myself. A routine trip to visit my son instead proved to be the gateway to another dimension where i now have set up permanent residence,God willing.

Riding along i was lost in my thoughts about the job, family, hell i don't know what...then clicking on the radio the announcer is mid story "Jackson is said to be in a coma after suffering a possible heart attack." Aw poor Michael i thought your Daddy is sick...then "Confirming our top story singer Michael Jackson is at UCLA Medical Center in a coma..." what the heck...heart jumps...wait he is in a coma that's cool he'll be ok...get out of the car, move, make yourself move.

Getting out of the car i walk into my son's house the TV is on 106 and Park, "singer Michael Jackson the King of Pop has died" i look at everyone we are all looking around at each other as if trying to receive some kind of sign that what we just heard was real. Aw hell naw i say they just said that he was in a coma. But they keep saying it over and over and over. i feel as if i am emerging from the bottom of a pool of water my head breaks the surface and now i can hear each person talking. Damn Michael is dead, did they just say that Michael Jackson has died. i start talking about the concerts that i went to to see him. His song Got to Be There was playing on my way to the hospital to have India. Yes, i saw him in concert three times.

i don't remember leaving the house. i don't remember the ride home...i don't remember going into the house. i'm alone now sitting on the bed looking at the leaves of the tree outside my window. Have i cried yet? i don't remember but there in the pattern of leaves he is there.
i close my eyes and slowly open them again...he's still there and i knew that my life had changed.

The next weeks were spent watching the television and on line. Everything Michael. One day i picked up a pencil to write down something to look up and wrote something totally different. that was the first poem that i received.

"i Carry You With me"

Is this reality less valid than any other
i sit reflecting, abandoning myself to space
Your image emerges on the stitching of my favorite quilt
In the shadows reflected on my tie dye dress
i can't even use the words of death in a phrase that contains your name
Because there you materialize in the random array of leaves outside my window
i see it and i cannot pretend that it is not so
It is my valid reality, so with me you still live
and i like it that way because
i carry you with me

And this is how it began this life that i live with Michael. Ma Vie Michel...